*Sitting on the beach with an icecream in my hand, and..* Mom: Honey, It's time for school! Me: Damn it.

(Riding a bike ) hey mom i can see you *WHACK* Mom: And i saw that branch

In a awkward situation i just pretend to text..

'LOL' has turned into 'I Have Nothing Else To Say But I Still Want To Talk To You' ♥

One day, my girlfriend sent me a txt. "Let's break up." I didn't even have time to be sad, she sent me another txt. "Sorry, wrong person." Now I am completely heartbroken...

Who says nothing is impossible. I've been doing nothing for years!

Who lives in a pineapple under the sea...(change channel) d-d-d-d-dora (change channel) Heeeeey its Fraaaanklin. That's what you get for waking up early!!!!

"1 out of every 3 smokers die." Apparently the other 2 become immortal

I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. "Alright, get in the basket"

They think the worlds gonna end in 2012, but they can barely predict the weather for tomorrow